Three Hundred & Sixty Five Days – an open letter

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Mema,

When you were here, I took for granted every opportunity that I had to see you. I drove on HWY 64 East every evening at approximately 5:15 pm. I’d think to myself “I have to get home, I have to let the dogs out, I have to ‘do this’ and ‘do that'”. I apologize for not being the granddaughter that you deserved to see on a weekly basis, and I apologize for not picking up the phone every opportunity I had. I think of you every morning I do my hair and paint on my face, because you watch me. Each and every morning you sit and smile right there where I left your image the day before. Memories poor in and scatter all through my brain of how we used to sit and talk. Your dreams of me becoming a Marine-Biologist, using my talent for words and eye for different beauty. I smile because I can remember how you spoiled me growing up and provided me with all the love and “sugar” a little girl could ever want.

However, there are days, like today when I miss you most. You have been gone now for three hundred and sixty five days. An entire year that I have craved your love and laughter more than I ever thought possible. I keep my thoughts to myself most of the time, the tears stain my pillow and the dark creeps up – that’s when I miss you most. My thoughts are the devil and they take over my mind like a parasite, when I am most vulnerable. You are my guardian angel, taken too soon. I have missed you through all of my journeys I have accomplished – career wise, welcoming new family members, moving. You were always an ear to listen and give me guidance. You never judged me and when I knew that deep down you may not approve of what I had to say or the reason behind my decision, you listened. You opened your heart and chose to love me, guide me, and teach me. Your time to go was not June 19, 2015, you see you live on in each and everyone one of the family members that you and Papa created. From mom, all the way to little Landen and Averi. You are such an inspiration and I will never meet another woman quite as special as you.

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Every morning I stayed with you, you’d cook me breakfast. Whether it was an omelet, or scrambled eggs. Some days it was cereal if you were tired and had a long night. Then I’d help you around the house, sometime’s we would go to the doctor and I’d ride with you and Papa. Many times you were busy cooking and cleaning however, if I needed my Free Willy VHS rewound, you would come back and do it for me. I always slept in your bed and held onto your pillows, they smelt so good. I used to eat pretzels with mayonnaise, I don’t know how I got started eating this but it was delicious. Papa and I would eat vienna sausages with apple cider vinegar, I always like sour cream with mine. You had a coloring set under the microwave cabinet, I think I drew a thousand and one pictures with those Β colored pencils. The pantry was always stocked with the best goodies and snacks, you seemed to have an eye for what little kids like to eat even if those goodeis were bad for us. I always had to drink caffeine/sugar free Cola because of Papa, which tasted like watered down Cola. You wore a purple silk robe every time I saw you. I envied your beautiful sun kissed skin, and your long fingernails. Skin so soft, it felt like the sweetest most delicate silk fabric. You grew every flower known to man kind; orchids, roses, hydrangeas, lily’s, daisies, daffodils, gladiolus, iris’s, tulips, snapdragons, peony’s; it was like walking into a flower shop. You had the most talented green thumb (besides momma) I have ever witnessed. An angel sent from heaven to rescue those in your path, but God needed you back. He needed your green thumb and courage.

The last month and a half that you were here with me, I spent every day with you. I think it was a way for me to cope with you leaving so soon. I was able to help you in a way I never thought possible.You always helped everyone and no one was a stranger to you, it was time for you to be taken care of. I was blessed to have spent the weeks before you left with you. We discussed my future, my goals, and my deepest wishes. I was able to say goodbye without knowing I was, in my heart and mind I can accept not having you here because God has eased your pain. He has taken away the sorrow you felt within and the pain buried deep. Each and every day I think about you, your smile and laugh, and I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to be your mother’s namesake. I will make you proud and I hope you smile often from heaven. Keep your watchful eye over me as I grow into the woman that you and my mother raised. I wrote you a poem –

Mema’s Poem
Beauty does not rest
For the beauty you fulfill is enough to bloom inside me,
Strength does not lie
For the strength I see in you can move mountains,
Love does not hide
For your love guides me in the dark,
These I always look to you

I can’t thank you enough for loving me and being my grandmother, being my Mema. I am beyond blessed to have spent 21 years with you. Thank you. I love you now and forever and someday, when we meet again, we’ll meet on the moon. You, Papa, and I.

I love you Delories Jean Penny Denton.

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